Why You Don’t See Your Own Growth (And How to Fix It)

You’re Closer Than You Think

Sirah

Mar 13, 2025

The past is either dead weight—or rocket fuel.

Black: The past is dead weight—keep moving forward.

White: History repeats itself—study it relentlessly.

Grey: Look back, but only to see how far you’ve come.

Here’s the truth: everything is grey.

Life is grey.

People are grey.

My hair is grey (almost).

Just like money, the past is only as valuable as what you do with it.

Last week, I wrote about The Gap—that pit where you feel stuck, overwhelmed, unsure if you're making progress.

When you’re in The Gap, all you see is how far you have left to go. The distance between where you are and where you think you should be stretches endlessly in front of you.

But every struggle has its opposite. Every low has a high.

Black has white.

Dark has light.

The Gap has The Gain.

The Gain is proof that you are moving forward, even when it doesn’t feel like it.

Let’s look at them together—because without contrast, you’ll never see the full picture.

When You Can’t See Your Own Progress

I’ll admit, sometimes I struggle to see my own Gain.

Last week, I found myself deep in The Gap—again.

I’ve been writing online for almost a year, yet I still feel like I’m not where I should be.
I'm taking courses, joining writing communities, practicing—but progress feels slow.

I started writing because of a random YouTube video.
One morning, I was out on a nature walk, scrolling for something to listen to.

A video from some guy named Dan Koe popped up.

Five minutes in, I thought, “Huh… why not? I should start writing online.”

So I did. With zero plan.

But I froze every time I had to hit post on Twitter (X).

Publishing my first article on Medium? Agonizing.

I wasn’t used to putting my thoughts out there, especially for strangers to read.
Before this, my only social media exposure was Facebook—a digital scrapbook of people I actually knew.

Even that, I had been fasting from for years.

I was pushing words into the void.

And then—slowly—people started responding.

Strangers started feeling like friends.

Last week, when I was having my moment I forced myself to zoom out.

And here’s what I saw:

I now post without overthinking.
I now publish without hesitation.
I reworked an old article this week and that’s when it hit me—I’ve improved.

Not overnight. Not dramatically. Just step by step.

The Proof is in the Details

Last year: My writing was dense. Clunky. No white space.

Being in my 40s now, I look back to my 20 year old self and think–I am proud of her in many ways: she was able to stay true to her adventurous and outspoken nature despite outside factors cueing her to dim her light.

This year: More space, more flow, easier to read.

I look back at my 20-year-old self with pride.
She was bold, adventurous, and outspoken—refusing to dim her light, even when the world nudged her to shrink.

Last year: My words felt flat.

There is this time dilation that exists as one celebrates more and more birthdays- the years just feel shorter.

This year: I use more visual words.

Time dilation, wrinkles, and gray hairs—aging’s three inseparable triplets.

Last year: I hid behind my words. The closing image on the article:

This year: I allow myself to be seen. Replaced the image with this one:

We don’t always notice growth while we’re in it.

But when we zoom out, the Gain is undeniable.

Zoom Out. Look Back.

woman near tower viewer — Photo by Fallon Michael on Unsplash

You’ve done this before.

You’ve learned, struggled, adapted, and kept moving.

And since history repeats itself, you already know how this story ends: You rise again.

But the mind seeks proof—so let’s gather some shall we.

Step 1: Identify a Past Struggle

Think of a time when you felt completely stuck.

You embarked on a quest and found yourself sinking in quicksand.

Maybe it was a challenge at work, in your marriage, in your business.

A moment where you weren’t sure how you’d make it through.

Write it down. Be specific.

What was happening?

How did you feel?

What thoughts ran through your mind?

(Hint: this only works if you actually do it. I see you skimming.)

Step 2: Retrace Your Steps

How did you get through it?

What were the first small steps you took?
Who or what helped you along the way?
What did you learn—about yourself, about life, about resilience?

Step 3: Recognize the Shift

Look at where you are now. The version of you who faced that challenge no longer exists in the same way.

What would you tell that past version of yourself?
What qualities did you develop from that experience?
How does knowing you overcame this shape how you see your current challenges?

Step 4: Anchor the Lesson

To make this real, create a personal mantra from this experience—something to remind yourself of the next time you’re in the Gap.

Examples:
"I have proof I can survive what feels impossible."
"If I got through that, I can get through this."
"I don’t have to know how—I just have to keep moving."

Write it down. Say it out loud. Let it sink in.