This One Thing Is What's Holding You Back
Here's How To Break Free Of The Habit
We are all architects of our lives—even when we think we’re not.
I understand the counterargument:
Why would I ever include this (insert trauma) in my life intentionally?
I have tried everything, and nothing changes—it’s not me.
The thing is, this is not about assigning blame—it is about taking responsibility.
Blaming others is a powerless act—you place the power outside of yourself and at the mercy of others whom you can not control.
It is much more empowering to take the onus of your life circumstances so that you know that if you created this—you are also the one that can change it (if you want to that is).
What’s creating all the mess in your life, anyways?
Simply put—it is your beliefs.
Your beliefs have you in a loop—a psycho-cybernetic loop.
The term "psycho-cybernetics" was first introduced by Dr. Maxwell Maltz in his 1960 book Psycho-Cybernetics, where he explored the idea that the human mind functions much like a self-regulating machine or system.
A psycho-cybernetic loop refers to the ongoing feedback loop between our thoughts, beliefs, behaviors, and outcomes.
Let me break this down for you:
Whatever you believe you think
Whatever you think you feel
Whatever you feel you do
Whatever you do is the result you produce in your life
And those results reinforce the belief that originated them
“Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you are right” - Henry Ford
If you view yourself as capable of success, that will lead you take bold and confident actions, which will lead to positive results reinforcing that you are capable.
The opposite is also true—if you believe you can't achieve something, you'll (often subconsciously) take actions (or avoid them altogether) that will limit your chances of success. When the goal isn't reached, it will reinforce the belief that you're not capable of succeeding.
Here’s the silver lining: you can change your beliefs.
Breakdown of beliefs:
Most of our beliefs have been implanted in our subconscious mind prior to the age of seven.
It’s when— as child sponges— we take in enormous amount of data and just start packing and storing it in our minds.
We don’t reason or rationalize much of it yet—we take most of the input at face value.
And we start forming memories and beliefs.
Life happens—and even well intentioned adults can leave us feeling that we aren’t enough and those translate into unhelpful beliefs.
Beliefs are formed by thoughts that are charged with emotion.
The greater the emotional response the deeper the belief settles into our subconscious mind.
Then we spend a lifetime playing those beliefs out and reaping the same outcomes and situations in our life. Over and over.
As a child I believed I was ‘shy’—mainly because I heard adults around me tell others ‘oh she’s just shy’. Hearing that label over and over again convinced me that I was shy and that meant I didn’t speak up or talk to others confidently.
So that’s exactly what I did—kept quiet in public and around adults. I even had a hard time making friends and talking to kids my age.
I had thoughts and sometimes I was okay saying something but then I would remember ‘oh wait—I am shy’ which prompted me to remain silent.
If you met me now you would think I am making this story up—I assure you, I am not.
This carried on throughout elementary school—but I got tired of being in the corner and feeling unseen.
Then one day I had an epiphany: Could I choose to just stop being shy?
This was the first time I can remember considering to change a belief that wasn’t serving me.
I changed my label from I am shy to I am confident and outspoken. I repeated it to myself over and over even though I did not believe it yet.
I struggled a lot at first because it was out of my character to speak up—especially in the classroom in front of others—but I forced myself to do it.
At first my heart was pounding out of my chest as I felt I was going against the code in my DNA—there were moments where I thought I might actually die of heart failure.
But after speaking up a few times, I learned it wouldn’t kill me. I was still alive—and I felt more alive, too.
A few more reps in and my beliefs started to change.
This was a monumental change in my life because it led me into years of making lots of friends and creating a fulfilling and rewarding social life. Those younger years of feeling lonely at school had dissipated—all because I took the leap to change a single belief that had been implanted in me at a young age.
How to change your beliefs
The first step to changing any part of your life is identifying what it is you want to change.
Do you want to find that perfect romantic relationship?
Do you want to create a life of financial abundance?
Do you want to healthy and fit?
Now, dig deeper—if you want something, it’s because you currently don’t have it.
Why do you think you don’t have it?
Do you not have the relationship because all men are scumbags?
Or is it because you might not be as attractive as other women out there?
Are you not financially abundant because money is hard to make?
Or is it because you were raised in a poor household and you have the ‘money curse’?
Why aren’t you healthy? —because you have ‘fat genes’ or you are addicted to sugar?
Sure—maybe you did watch your best friend get cheated on by her boyfriend or recall someone calling you ‘ugly’ in your childhood.
Sure—maybe you heard your parents talk about how hard money is to make and watched them struggle to provide.
Sure—maybe someone called you ‘fat’ a few years back or came at you with a ‘fat mama’ joke.
These events are all truths—but the beliefs you have formed around them are false.
Any and EVERY belief that does not serve you is not your truth.
You have to identify them and work to change them.
Make something up that feels better than what you currently believe.
Keep saying it. Keep thinking it.
Get yourself in a place of where you can actually feel it.
Feelings are the gateway to our subconscious programming.
If you can charge those better thoughts with feelings they will slip into your subconscious mind much quicker and replace your old beliefs.
Once you get those new beliefs in your subconscious it will start to work for you. It will show you opportunities in your life rather than highlight the things that used to make you insecure.
Change your beliefs then take the action.
Once you overcome the fear of acting you will gain momentum in the right direction.
Do it again and again. Prove to yourself that it won’t kill you.
Prove to yourself that you CAN do it.
Eventually that belief that you can’t will change and you will reprogram your mind with a fresh dose of confidence.
Everything you’ve ever wanted is sitting on the other side of fear.
- George Addair
This won’t happen overnight but you owe it to yourself to try.
And try.
And try.
We can’t be held accountable for the way we were raised or the information we were fed as young impressionable children—but we must take ownership of where we are today.
Understand that the power to change our reality lies within us…deep within us…tied to our beliefs. And we aren’t doomed by them. We need to work with them.
Change your beliefs, and change your life.
All the best, my friends—journey on!
If I change my belief and concentrate on my new belief daily - imagining how good it feels to experience my new self, how long does it generally take for the new belief to take hold?