There’s a metaphor about a frog in a pot of lukewarm water.
As the water gradually heats up, the frog remains in the pot, adapting to the change and convincing itself that everything is normal.
We all know how this ends — the frog dies.
This phenomenon, known as the ‘boiling frog syndrome,’ illustrates how people can become accustomed to toxic situations without realizing the danger.
Have you ever felt like that frog, staying in a situation that slowly drained you because you believed it would improve? I have.
I have remained in situations much too long because I convinced myself they would get better.
Unfortunately, they only got hotter and I realized I lost important aspects of my personal self to them.
Leaving a familiar situation can be daunting.
The comfort of the known often makes the thought of leaving seem like giving up.
However, it’s crucial to differentiate between a challenging environment that fosters growth and one that drains your well-being.
Evaluate what is at stake here.
Are you giving up on a childhood dream cause it suddenly got hard and requires effort or a situation that is feeling rotten to your core?
If the scenario has attributes of emotional or mental abuse, this is not a challenge to overcome.
It is a pot of water to exit before you lose essential parts of yourself to it as it heats up.
Trusting your intuition and listening to your body’s signals can guide you in making these tough decisions.
Let me explain.
Our bodies have a built in intelligence that we often take for granted. The mechanism is commonly referred to as our intuition.
Ever get that feeling that you shouldn’t walk through that alley late at night? Your body is sending you a message that this might not create a good outcome for you.
Ever get into a conversation with someone and you just get a pit in your stomach and can’t explain why you aren’t digging this person?
Your body is reading the space and telling you something here. This person isn’t the right choice for your friendship.
No, you are not being paranoid. You are not an energetic match.
I have been burned enough times by ignoring my intuition that I have a newfound faith in my body speaking to me.
I’m not referring to spoken words; I’m talking about energetic feelings. We all get them.
That expansive feeling of excitement or that contracting feeling of a pit in your belly.
Swap those feelings into simple “yes” and “no” answers.
Feelings of expansion are a “yes” and feelings of contraction are a “no”.
Ask yourself a yes/no question and honor the first feeling that comes through your body.
Don’t rationalize or try to convince yourself out of the feeling.
I recently found myself jumping from a pot.
I resigned from a job after being in it for only 10 weeks.
This was a really difficult decision for me as I had just returned to work after a 3 year sabbatical.
I was very excited about this prospect as it surfaced spontaneously and I felt the desire to pursue it.
I was thrilled to get the position and ready to forge a new chapter in my life hoping to positively impact others while doing so.
I was happy with the salary, it was a nice facility, great benefits, and I enjoyed the people I was getting to know and working with.
Enjoyed all except one: the boss I reported to.
We were both managers but he was senior to me.
His style was not one of collaboration but of domination and ego laced decisions. Most of which I felt weren’t of benefit to the company, employees, or us as managers.
Needless to say—he was very unpopular with the staff he managed.
I was at a crossroad of either submitting to his methods or parting ways.
It was clear that in order to survive in this position I was going to have to:
make myself small so he could feel large
forfeit any sense of autonomy as a leader
impart his biased decisions on those that reported to us
withhold any input while taking in his passive aggressive comments
go to bed every night trying to rationalize the days events and actions
Staying wasn’t going to help the company’s goals, the staff morale, or my personal growth.
This was an incredibly disappointing realization and one I did not want to acknowledge.
But every cell in my body told me this was going to be a slow death if I decided to stay in this pot.
There was more to lose (personal ethics) than to gain (paycheck).
The last couple weeks were getting blatantly ugly and the frog inside of me started wiggling around for a decision.
Bouts of fear and uncertainty surfaced at the thought of leaping out.
Perhaps it would be better to ride this out and see where it goes?
Maybe it was going to get better?
Maybe…maybe not….
Then Deja vu kicked in reminding me that I had been in predicaments before where I went against my inner compass only to feel emotions of regret over lost time and sanity.
And so I took a deep breath in and jumped out.
Making this jump was very difficult.
I dislike uncertainty as much as anyone else.
Now that I am out of that pot, where do I go from here?
After some time purging the low feeling emotions, walking amongst nature, and meditating I have decided to let the universe provide guidance when it’s ready.
Or maybe it will be when I am ready.
Either way, I am releasing control in good faith and will allow life to do its’ thing.
For now, I will take some time to try to find the hidden lessons in this experience. Life is constantly teaching us.
Times like this, I like to lean on one of my favorite quotes:
Everything will be okay in the end.
If it’s not okay, it is not the end
-John Lennon
The ancient Chinese practice of Feng Shui states that nothing new flows into your life until you make room for it.
Make room by removing old clutter that is blocking good things from reaching you.
This is commonly applied to physical spaces but I believe this to be true for all aspects of ones life.
At best, I have just cleared space for something that will be better for me.
At worst, I have walked away a little lost but with my self respect intact.
I will have to exercise patience and faith in the journey.
If you find yourself in a heating pot, don’t wait until you’re fully cooked.
Trust in the journey and in your ability to navigate it.
Start by making space.
Jump.
Every challenge presents a new opportunity.