7 Things I Wish I Knew at 20 (That Would’ve Saved Me Years of Struggle)
The advice I needed—but had to learn the hard way.
I’m 43.
I remember turning 20 and being clueless.
It was a pretty big milestone moving into an age without a ‘teen’ after it.
A long way from those early tween years but I knew that 40 was really, really, really, far away (wink).
The more birthdays you celebrate the shorter the years feel.
Time dilation, wrinkles, and gray hairs—aging’s three inseparable triplets.
January flips to August. August flips to December. Faster and faster.
As a kid, school days felt endless—seven hours felt stretched into a week.
Now I blink, and half the day is gone. Blink again, and it's bedtime.
Of course this is just perception as it still takes 365 days for our planet to loop around our warm and fuzzy sun.
I look back at my 20-year-old self with pride.
She was bold, adventurous, and outspoken—refusing to dim her light, even when the world nudged her to shrink.
Could she have done things differently? Heck yeah.
But regret is pointless—life only moves forward. No one gets a rewind button, so wasting energy on "what ifs" is a losing game.
What does matter is reflection. Learning. Adapting. Using our past as fuel, not a weight.
And once we gain some wisdom? We pass it down to those a few steps behind us… or 20 years.
Time adds perspective. The further you get, the clearer the picture becomes.
“You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backward.” – Steve Jobs
Now that I can see the full pattern, here’s what I’d tell my 20-year-old self:
1/Focus On Important Relationships
Wrong friends will cost you more than you realize.
We want people to like us.
We want to have lots of friends.
We want to be in the perfect romance.
We want our familial relationships to sustain us well.
In my 20s, I held onto friendships that drained me.
There were lies, backstabbing, and toxicity—but I stuck around because we were part of the same group.
I ignored the impact on my self-worth.
At the same time, I watched friends stay in miserable relationships just to avoid being alone.
It’s simple relationship math: quality > quantity.
The people in your life should lift you up, not weigh you down.
“If all you do is cry in a relationship, ask yourself—are you dating a human or an onion?”
- the internet
Be ruthless about cutting out negativity.
Be intentional about keeping the ones who matter.
You are a reflection of the people you spend the most time with. Choose wisely.
2/ Don’t Get Boxed In By Labels
Labels aren’t life sentences.
We are shaped by the environments we grow up in.
The messages we hear—repeated by family, culture, and society—become truths we never think to question.
For me, the label was tied to my gender and life’s purpose.
Being a girl meant my path was mapped out before I even had a say in it.
There were rules—stricter than my brothers’—and constant reminders that I had more to lose if I stepped out of line.
The ultimate goal? A respectable marriage, approved by family and community, followed by a life as a wife, mother, and dutiful daughter-in-law.
I was warned—loudly and subtly—that letting my age creep past my mid 20s was a dangerous game.
Biology wouldn’t be on my side. Beauty wouldn’t last.
The message was clear: the sooner, the better. Delay too long, and I’d risk becoming an expired product.
My friends and I, all first-generation South Asian girls in Canada, felt the box closing in.
We questioned it, laughed about it, tried to push against it—but when you hear the same message over and over, you start drinking the Kool-Aid.
Only later did we realize it had been spiked the whole time.
Why can’t I walk straight?!
For some, that path is a dream. And that’s fine. But it shouldn’t be the only option.
To my 20-year-old self: You don’t have to limit your life’s ambitions because you’re a girl.
To anyone else boxed in by a label—whether it’s gender, race, age, or identity—write your own damn story.
Take the time to learn yourself and set off on your journey with that knowledge in hand.
“Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom” -Lao Tzu
Your life isn’t a script. You get to choose how it unfolds.
3/You don’t have to “BE” anything when you grow up- “Do” stuff instead
Don’t fall into the work identity trap.
We all grew up hearing the same question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
It makes you believe your identity is tied to your career—that success means picking the “right” title and sticking with it for life.
But as a kid, what do you really know? You pick from the handful of careers you’ve heard of—or worse, whatever makes your parents happy.
“Hey son, do you want to be a doctor, lawyer, or engineer?”
“Mom, I want to be a YouTuber”…(crickets)
“So…doctor, lawyer, or engineer?”.
Some parents try to live out their dreams through their kids. And as a child, you go along with it—because let’s be real, nothing beats parental approval.
A dance that will continue your whole life unless you do the inner work to change the moves.
You will always excel in what actually interests you. That’s how you find flow—when work feels effortless because it aligns with your natural strengths.
This is where ikigai comes in—the Japanese concept of a “reason for being.”
To find yours, ask:
What do I love?
What am I good at?
What can I get paid for?
What does the world need?
When you align these, you don’t just choose a job. You build a life that excites you.
So let’s retire the old question.
Instead of “What do you want to be?” ask:
“What do you want to DO?”
This shift releases careers from identity. You are not your job. And you don’t have to stick to just one path.
New careers are being created at record speed. As Adam Grant says in Think Again—your future job might not even exist yet.
So to my 20-year-old self, I’d say:
Your identity is not to your profession. You can change your path and do multiple things. Don’t stress about having it all figured out. Keep learning. Keep evolving. The answers will come.
4/ Invest Your Money
Don’t set your money on fire.
When I first started making real money, I spent it like it was Monopoly cash.
Every shiny think I had been eyeing for years—bought.
Every dinner out—my treat.
Every round of drinks—next one’s on me, strangers I just met!
I thought 40 was a lifetime away. Turns out, it’s closer than you think.
And when you get there, your past financial choices will either be your biggest regret or your greatest flex.
So to my 20-year-old self: Start saving and investing, like, yesterday.
The key isn’t just saving—it’s putting your money to work.
If I could go back, I’d tell myself to diversify income early.
Stacking paychecks and letting them rot in a low-interest savings account is not the right move.
Here’s what I wish I had done sooner:
Buy Real Estate As Soon As Possible
Land isn’t making a comeback—it’s never left.
Set aside part of your income, and when you've got enough for a down payment—pull the trigger.
It is a huge purchase and scary from the outset, but so worth it in the long run.
People will always need places to live. You included.
If you can, stay with family a little longer and rent out your own place instead.
Or house-hack—live in part of a property and rent out the rest.
Markets go up and down, but in the long run, real estate trends up and to the right.
It’s a great way to start creating generational wealth as land is a finite commodity on this planet.
Start Investing In Companies You Believe In
Big tech. Long-term stocks. Maybe even AI.
Companies that will still be here in 10–20 years.
You don’t need to hit home runs, just play the long game.
Bet On Assets That Hold Value
You know what else has being going up and to the right? Gold and silver.
March 2024 = gold $2,245.19 per ounce; silver $25.16 per ounce.
March 2025 = gold $2,910.40 per ounce; silver $32.50 per ounce.
Over the past year, gold has increased by approximately 29.63%, while silver has risen by about 29.17%.
See the chart below. 30 year gold prices (blue) and silver (orange).
Don’t Let Your Cash Rot
Money sitting in a bank account is losing value every day.
Unless you’ve got millions collecting interest, inflation is eating your savings alive. The $1 you save today won’t buy the same tomorrow.
Your money should be working—not napping in a bank account or stuffed under your mattress.
5/ Create Health Routines Now
Your body will start to take its revenge.
Junk food, all-nighters, skipping workouts—no big deal in your 20s.
But aging isn’t subtle. One day, you’re bouncing back from injuries like Wolverine.
The next, you pull a muscle reaching for your phone.
It’s easier to maintain health than to fix it later.
Metabolism slows. Hormones shift. Recovery takes longer.
And if you don’t build solid habits now, life will make it increasingly difficult to start later.
To my younger self: Do not stop playing basketball. Keep moving. Keep lifting. Stay active like your life depends on it—because one day, it will.
“ I remember being able to get up without making sound effects….good times”
6/ Time Speeds Up
You think 40 is far away.
You blink—and you’re there.
I used to look at my 40-year-old relatives like they were fossils. Half-dead. Out of touch. Their best years behind them.
Now, standing on the other side, I can tell you—40 is NOT old.
It’s actually the prime of your life.
But whether you hit your stride or crash into a midlife crisis depends on what you do in your 20s and 30s.
Bad habits compound just like good ones.
How to avoid that crisis?
Live a balanced life in your 20s and 30s.
Don’t go chasing someone else’s dream—chase your own.
Don’t allow someone else’s limiting beliefs become your own.
Take the time to maintain healthy relationships.
No one on their deathbed wishes they had worked more and spent less time with loved ones.
Time moves faster than you think.
Write a story you’ll be proud to read later.
“The years teach much which the days never knew” -Ralph Waldo Emerson
7/ Never Stop Playing
Stop laughing and you’ll die sooner.
Laughter reduces stress and increases immunity and happy hormones (dopamine).
Staying playful and not taking life too seriously is the antidote to most problems.
Life is going to throw curveballs—it’s inevitable.
How you react is in your control.
Don’t let hard times steal your joy.
Find a way to have fun.
Find a way to forgive.
Find a way to make every day count.
The gain is in the journey, not the destination.
Turns out 20 years later, I still like to play dress-up.
Bonus: To My Younger Self
Know that you are incredibly powerful just the way you are.
Everything in this world is energy—including thoughts, emotions, and the reality they create.
Mastering that energy is the difference between manifesting what you want and what you fear.
These are the laws you need to master to use your energy to your highest potential: 16 Laws of Manifestation.
I laughed when I read “ I remember being able to get up without making sound effects….good times”. Looking back, I would definitely want to make LT investments. Thank you for sharing your journey and the cool Bonus, I downloaded it.
Such a great article! Thank you for sharing your words of wisdom 😊🙏