3 Psychological Traps That Keep You Seeking Approval
Why you crave validation—and how to break free for good
Letting others’ opinions shape your choices is sentencing your soul to a slow death.
Yet, my upbringing ingrained me with the belief that reputation was everything.
What others thought about you, said about you, how they acted toward you was a measure of your worth.
You were to build your life around the norms and mindsets of those around you for acceptance–not your personal preferences because that would be super selfish.
And who wants to carry the guilt and shame of being labeled as selfish?
Not it.
Being raised in my community, my desires and sense of self felt severely limited
But as I expanded my world, I realized this conditioning isn’t just cultural—it’s global
At a very young age we are taught to conform to the preferences of our teachers, parents, and communities.
We learn to sit still, raise our hands, and follow rules because teachers reward obedience over individuality, not because it feels right.
We choose to be a doctor because it will please our parents, not because it fulfills us.
We agree to an arranged marriage because it will please the gossip in our community, even if it suffocates us.
Living by the opinions of others is like an untrained contortionist—twisting into painful, unnatural shapes, risking both injury and identity.
It will never feel natural.
You will never feel whole.
No matter what choices you make, someone will always disapprove.
What’s the remedy?--you do you girlfriend!
Easier said than done.
There’s an element of unlearning that is necessary here.
Understanding why we do what we do is the first step to making positive changes in our life.
The answers lie in these three things:
Neurocircuitry
Evolutionary Traits
Childhood Programming
1. The Empathy Trap (Mirror Neurons)
Amongst the many wonders in our brain are those called mirror neurons.
These cells play a key role in imitation, learning, and empathy.
When we see someone smile, frown, or experience pain, our mirror neurons activate as if we were experiencing it ourselves.
This neurological process helps us understand others’ emotions and intentions, making them essential for social connection.
But this ability comes at a cost.
Because mirror neurons make us feel what others feel, they also make us highly sensitive to approval and rejection.
When someone disapproves of our choices, our brain mirrors their disappointment, creating real emotional discomfort.
Your brain tricks you into thinking rejection is a death sentence. So you shrink, you conform, you betray yourself—each time reinforcing the cycle.
The more you seek approval, the more your brain craves it.
The trap? You don’t just want approval anymore—you feel like you need it to feel safe.
Over time, this neurological wiring trains us to seek validation, making it hard to separate what we truly want from what will keep others happy.
By recognizing this biological reflex we can work harder to catch ourselves in these exchanges and learn to override them.
Here’s what you can do:
Recognize and Question the Reflex: Understand that your urge to seek approval is a brain response, not a sign of weakness. When you feel the need to conform, pause and ask yourself: Am I doing this for me or to avoid judgment?
Build Inner Validation: Stop chasing external approval and affirm your own choices based on your values. Get comfortable with discomfort—each time you stand firm, you rewire your brain to prioritize authenticity over approval.
Reinforce Authenticity Through Action: Surround yourself with independent thinkers who live their truth, making it easier for you to live yours. Keep choosing authenticity until it feels natural—the more you practice, the freer you become.
2. The Survival Trap (Evolutionary Group Survival)
Humans evolved to survive in groups, relying on cooperation and social bonds for protection, food, and survival.
In early human history, being rejected by the group could mean death—no shelter, no food, no defense against predators.
This deep-rooted survival instinct wired our brains to seek acceptance and avoid behaviors that might lead to exclusion.
Over time, this need to "fit in" became automatic, shaping our actions to align with group expectations rather than individual desires.
Even today, our brains associate rejection with danger, triggering stress and anxiety when we go against the herd.
Your nervous system reacts to rejection like it’s a real threat—even when it’s not.
This traps you in a fear mindset and hijacks your decisions. It makes you more likely to prioritize the group’s approval over your own truth.
No one is throwing you out of the tribe anymore. You won’t starve for choosing yourself—but your soul will if you don’t.
Rejection is no longer a threat to survival, only a temporary discomfort—remind yourself that you can thrive without universal approval.
3. The Conditioning Trap (Childhood Programming)
From a young age, we learn that following the rules and making others happy leads to praise, rewards, and acceptance.
This teaches our brain to connect approval with feeling good.
Before age 7, a child's brain is like a sponge, absorbing everything as truth—locking in experiences as deep subconscious programming.
When children are scolded, shamed, or made to feel guilty for expressing their opinions, they learn that agreeing with others is safer than being themselves.
Childhood programming is one of the strongest forces shaping our adulthood.
As adults, we don’t even remember the moments that shaped us. But they still run our lives. Subconscious programming operates like a script we didn’t write, keeping us stuck in patterns we don’t even realize we’re repeating.
This is why we struggle to say no, why we silence ourselves, why we feel trapped—because we’re still running the program we learned as children.
You can try to piece it together through journaling, but some patterns run so deep, they stay hidden—until you bring them to the surface.
This is where Quantum Healing Hypnosis comes in.
I experienced this firsthand. Hypnosis brought clarity into my life and helped me bridge and repair childhood programming that was holding me back. I uncovered things about myself that I didn’t even know I didn’t know—deep-seated beliefs I had been unknowingly living by. And once I saw them, I had the power to change them.
Now, I offer Quantum Healing Hypnosis to help others uncover subconscious blocks, heal deep-rooted patterns, and break free from cycles of people-pleasing, fear, and self-betrayal—while accessing the deeper wisdom of their higher self.
Awareness is the first step. But undoing years—even decades—of subconscious programming isn’t just about knowing it’s there. It’s about rewiring it at the deepest level.
If you're ready to break free from the programming and step fully into who you were meant to be, email me at sirah@sirahcheema.com for more information or to book a session.
This article is amazing! I’ve experienced quantum hypnosis and it was a life changing experience 🙏
Fantastic post, so many good points and I can relate to most of them.